Comments on: Ch24-5: Final Redemption

By: frenchsnake

frenchsnake — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 19:41:59 +0000

It just occurred to me how much I love the slowly ever-expanding world you’ve built here, and I think this final chapter of fleeing is a powerful way of showing how far we’ve come. A story that began in a little cave expands to encompass a family, a city, several cities, a country, a continent, and finally, a dimension. I think it’s perfect to have them moving around so much at the end and emphasizing distances to remind us of the scope of this tale and tragedy.

That being said, I will be sorely disappointed if this is Kudako’s death. If that’s what happened to him at the end of this one, then I agree that it needs expanding. My main reaction to this chapter was in being reminded of the other main characters and thinking, “I wonder how many named characters made it out of Wyndor alive? Wonder where ShinRe is… Aur can’t die here, he’s in Shimmer/etc….” There’s been far too much character development for Kudako to let him die so simply.

I am also pleasantly surprised to see Aur fighting so skillfully ^_^ I’ve obviously only known him as a not-quite-Aur-kid up until now. It hadn’t occurred to me that he might be quite the fighter on his own.

By: Aywren

Aywren — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 22:35:02 +0000

Thanks for leaving your second thoughts here, they mean a lot to hear. I don’t believe in any way this story is in its perfect form (I was joking to Syn last night that it took me 10 years for Darkstar and Dreigiau has only had 8 so far!). I’ll keep your initial thoughts in mind when I go through for a revision — I’m just not quite sure how to pace the ending in a way that works with the immediacy that’s needed + the vastness of what is happening with each character in each scene.

I may need to take some time to step back and get a feel for what can be changed. It took a few years for me to pin point how to clean up Book 1.

And yes, Zento’s changed his mind about the Dragon in his old age. His loss was extremely hard for me to write, even though I’ve always known it was going to happen.

By: Zela

Zela — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 22:06:31 +0000

Well, I went back and reread a large chunk of stuff, mostly to do with Lucci, and I’ve become reconciled to this chapter. It works. You don’t need to change anything.
Poor Dako.
I can’t get over how brilliant this story is every time I go through it. It’s so vast, and yet everything makes sense and every scene is important. I can only hope that my own novel turns out half as good.
For instance, whenever I read about Zento dying, I just can’t keep from sobbing. That’s such a powerful and tragic moment. And just like the refugees, I can’t really comprehend it.
Though one of the bits I read – one of the introductions – had Zento asking to be a Dragon after he died. He changed his mind when he grew up, eh?
…
I need to spend more time in real life, don’t I? : P

By: Aywren

Aywren — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 23:58:47 +0000

I understand your feeling and have worried if reactions to the end of Dreigiau won’t be too positive.

The truth is… the end of this story has a lot of death. It does not end happily. It is the fall of the Old World Nefolian civilization — this was tragic enough so that the future remembers this chain of events with dread and Sygni are considered death brings.

Luccious is not a power to be trifled with — he is a creature that can bring Arweinydd to their knees. Kudako and Aur are strong but they (and other NPCs) cannot hold up against such power. Kudako knew that when he went to buy time. Aur also knew that when he came to Kudako’s aid.

While I won’t say that is the complete and total end for them (or Zento) for good, it is how their stories end in Dreigiau. As for the writing aspect of this chapter, this was one I wasn’t totally pleased with it and may come back to lengthen it (or something) in the future.

Also, keep in mind that the end of Dreigiau is not the end of The Story — things move on into Darkstar and eventually Wayrift. But Dreigiau sets the stage for how things got to be the way they were. Darkstar brings about the close to what Dreigiau began. Wayrift offers an opportunity to right the wrongs of the past… things will turn out alright in the end.

By: Zela

Zela — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 23:32:45 +0000

First things first – <3 Aur! Can't wait for him to find his old swording abilities in the other stories! Will he? Will he? XD
But… something about this chapter seems off somehow. I can't really put my finger on it. The action is well written, the plot is logical, and indeed it raises the question of if Kudako hadn't looked back, would he really have started pondering the balance of giving, despite his belief in his lack of fears? And he is doing what he said he would, buying time, at the cost of everything, even his life.
However, if he doesn't survive this chapter it kinda feels like people are just getting killed off. I hate to say that, but that was my first reaction, and how it appears to me at this point. Perhaps it's because Zento died so recently, and the nameless NPCs have been dropping like flies. I'll probably need the next (and final?) post in order to really figure out what's going on here – perhaps that will make it all clear.
Oh, and love the illustration at the top! It's fantastic!
Need… to… draw… Aur fanart… XD

By: Canuovea

Canuovea — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 05:12:21 +0000

Woo! Go Aur and Kudako! That was satisfying to read, I always like it when the baddies get a little surprise…

This was a very well written combat scene, as much as I enjoy blow by blow descriptions of a battle sometimes it just gets clunky, this flows very well. Cheers.