I’ll probably cut the “no doubt” completely. I have a way of sticking that phrase in my writing, but it doesn’t usually work.

>>Should it maybe be “with the buzzing OF their…” instead?

Yes. That feels like a left-over typo where I was editing the original chapter. That sentence probably started as something else and was later changed with an overlooked word.

>>“As unmoving as he was OUT the outside” could be “on” the outside.

Yep. Same as the note above. It appears that I was editing this when I was tired. *laughs* Thanks for finding these.

>>“Discontent murmurs broke out over the hall in instant response, agreeing that it would be (add: the) doom of them all to allow the silver-haired boy to pass the threshold of the Inner Circle”

Thank you! This is the chapter of dumb mistakes. ^_^

>>“Master SoYa said nothing more. Just a simple grin and a friendly glance. And then they were walking across the Assembly Room towards the Inner Circle.” Something about the “And” that follows the second period. I’m not 100% on the grammar there.

I do this a lot, usually for effect. It’s not correct grammar. It’s more of a style thing or a personal writer’s voice (even though it’s wrong). Most of the time I’ll go back and edit it out. Sometimes I leave it in, just for emphasis.

>>““But you have to trust him in knowing that he is our Patron Guide and he wants to protect all of us… and our city… by any means necessary” -Well, nothing wrong with that, but technically SoYa is lying. Any means necessary would have included killing Lucci.

That’s true, I suppose. Maybe SoYa should have phrased that differently. *laughs* Or maybe it just shows that SoYa’s logic is colored by his well-meaning emotions.

“No doubt, something like that wouldn’t go away over the hours that they would be sitting in the meeting.” The “No doubt, something” comma seems odd.

“They had so many questions… so many emotions… Lucci’s head swam with the buzzing with their intermingled voices. Rarely did he like to put himself in a position that brought him around so many people at once. And the moment that a few stray glances broke from the huddled groups of Cyngan to focus upon him, the hall grew noticeably more tense.” “Lucci’s head swam with the buzzing with their intermingled voices” Should it maybe be “with the buzzing OF their…” instead?

“He did everything he could to block them out. But it wasn’t easy. As unmoving as he was out the outside, inside of him, emotional blows were falling like rain.” “As unmoving as he was OUT the outside” could be “on” the outside.

“Discontent murmurs broke out over the hall in instant response, agreeing that it would be (add: the) doom of them all to allow the silver-haired boy to pass the threshold of the Inner Circle”

“Master SoYa said nothing more. Just a simple grin and a friendly glance. And then they were walking across the Assembly Room towards the Inner Circle.” Something about the “And” that follows the second period. I’m not 100% on the grammar there.

Okay, done.

““But you have to trust him in knowing that he is our Patron Guide and he wants to protect all of us… and our city… by any means necessary” -Well, nothing wrong with that, but technically SoYa is lying. Any means necessary would have included killing Lucci.

I’ve been struggling to work on what I’m going to do with NaNo this year… it’s been a hard time for me to get something rolling for me, but I’ve JUST started to get a few ideas now. Most of the exciting ideas are figuring out how Dreigiau is going to start tying into future stories (Darkstar/Shimmer/Wayrift)… so to hear a reference of SoYa moving into a tie-in to who he will be as Kip’s teacher is thrilling for me!

Besides, he seems alot more Kip’s-teacher-compatable now. That had me worried.

But w00t for SoYa! He’s really grown, hasn’t he?